A question asked and specific to type 4 during a typing interview*
Since Deborah and I started our journey on presenting, studying, and writing about children and the enneagram we have been asked many times “when do you type your children?”. The answer is YOU do not.
The accepted theory is that type is set at age 7. And at 10 to 11 years of age, it is acceptable to introduce them to the enneagram. And be advised this is their journey and not yours. The universe is influencing you, me, and our children every day. It would be wonderful if there were one deciding factor. But that simply is not true.
We must accept that multiple factors are involved in forming our ego. And no ego, 1 thru 9 is better or worse than the other. We must continue to remind ourselves that children are far more than all the categories we place them in, and this includes the enneagram of type.
I wasn’t typed until I was 40 years of age. In therapy I was first typed as a 2. I had unimaginable grief going on in my family and had basically been deemed the matriarch. You know, the one who had to take care of everyone else. Yeah, who made that decision? Me. But I digress.
It was probably around therapy session 3 that I was type as a 4. And baby, that was my number.
So, what’s my story and how did I land on this ego? This type 4 gal. My story. The story.
I had a wonderful childhood as far as I can remember. And, at age 4 my mother had to have back surgery. As a result, she was MIA for months. Which then turned into years because of the complications and tremendous pain she endured until her death. And let me say that she was and is a beautiful being that I will cherish forever. She taught me each day is new. Each moment.
I was the darling. I mean look at my picture. ADORABLE. And I cried a lot. I was then and still am sensitive. So, growing up if I allowed the sensitivity to show up, I was teased. My sister (I LOVE YOU!) still likes to bring it up as we go through old pictures. Let’s face it, so many are of me crying.
As a result of being teased at some point I decided I would bury that sensitivity, that emotion. 1 st , with my grandmothers passing. I was 5. There would be no weeping, it would be stored. In a secret chamber and locked away.
Through the years I attended many family funerals. And at every funeral I buried another part of that sensitivity. Not realizing that each time I did this I was abandoning myself. An incredibly beautiful and vibrant part of my self. And, again, it would be hidden, in that secret chamber and locked away.
As an adult, at 25 years, I buried my mother. Then, just a few months later both my maternal grandparents. And just 15 short years later, my beloved stepmother. I became an empty vessel. No more room in that secret chamber. Empty. No one knew my pain. No one could see me. No one could possibly love this emptiness.
That chamber held my stabbed and bloodied heart. The key to it long ago thrown away. My story. The story.
For years this is how I carried on. And no one would know this because I was always chin up. This is how the ego can carry on. It is simply about survival. And. Our story. The story.
And then, Cairo happened. I felt entirely seen and loved by others. They totally understood that secret chamber. It wasn’t ugly. It held beauty. It held depth of emotion. It could hold both the darkness and the light beautifully. It, that bloodied heart, was separate from nothing and engaged with everything.
This is the story. Cairo, Egypt. And I know I could have been anywhere in that moment. And I remain grateful for those that held me during the transformation. And those that continue to hold me. My family, friends,
community, teachers, and my students.
I would love to explain my awakening to every type 4 and any type who may be suffering, but I cannot. I can offer my story and hold space and a belief that every type will tell their story. For type 4 please know we are gift as we can hold the darkness and the light. Once we become aware that we are loved and seen. We are a beautiful force of energy. No secret chamber with a secret key. Simply love.
And so, my story continues. Hudson is giving me a typing interview:
Hudson: Lala, are you really seen and loved by others?
Lala: You betcha. And with that comes the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful. My heart is no longer hidden or locked away. Let me share this beaming treasure. Here, here is the key. Let us unlock some love.
Hudson: Lala, can others tell you, their story?
Lala: Oh, Hudson, what I wonderful idea. I invite them to.
I will end with 2 things. Please tell me your story at [email protected]. No matter your type we all have a story.
And finally, music. Just listen.
Pink, to her daughter. We are simply doing our best and so are our
children. Thanks, Mom.
Mica Paris about not giving up. We are simply doing our best and so are
our children. Thanks Mom.
In Love Always,
Your child, ages 10 and over, can take a fun and interactive enneagram test on our website:
Cathryn S. Hudson (Gaga Lala) works with the Conscious Living Center, The School of Conscious Living and Conscious Dynamics. She is a certified teacher in the narrative tradition of the Enneagram from the School of Conscious Living and holds a BS degree from the University of Cincinnati from the School of Design, Art, Architecture and Planning.
*Enneagram Typing Interview Questions, Conscious Dynamics LLC, Deborah Ooten, PH. D